The author offers her perspective on dating non-Black men in this revisited May 2014 article as one who likes all men of all stripes
September 18, 2019
I’m A black girl whom dates the “rainbow. ” I was involved with in the past 10 years into one room (that group includes random dates, relationships, situationships and that one time I got married), you’d have a fabulous, multihued bouquet of masculine beauty if you put every guy. A sort, smart guy whom moves me personally, might possibly rock beside me, irrespective of battle or ethnicity. I’m perhaps not on that absurd color-blind train; I’m simply an equal-opportunity dater.
Almost all my Ebony girlfriends solely and purposely date Ebony males, therefore I have lots of questions regarding my UN-friendly roster that is dating the majority of those concerns are concerning the white dudes. “Is it pink? ” “Are you sure it’s perhaps not some jungle temperature kind thing? ” “Has he seen Love Jones? ” The responses to those relevant questions is based on the guy—could be tan, red or some combination. Just once ended up being it a thing that is fetish the guy’s end, and I also deaded that the moment I became mindful. Seeing movies that are specific maybe not a relationship requireme personallynt of me. You better know and love Stevie ponder, however. That’s life right there.
Then you can find two statements that are troubling we often hear. The very first is, “I’m so tired of these black colored men. Ina moment, I’m planning to resemble both you and find a White child. ” Ugh.
We find this become problematic because everything about any of it is incorrect.
You shouldn’t date somebody of the race that is certain you are feeling exhausted because of the antics of males of another battle. It is not reasonable into the Ebony girl, the White dude or Black men. There are numerous good Ebony guys on the market. The real deal. Guys within my family members, my circle of buddies and past loves attest compared to that. If you’re operating into Ebony dudes that are maybe not worth one fourth, their behavior isn’t some issue that is genetic with their cultural background, they simply aren’t the inventors for your 
needs, for just about any amount of other reasons.
The White guy gets the end that is short of stick for the reason that situation, too, because he’s a sucka-ass plan B and does not even understand it. The Ebony girl loses because she’s maybe not handling the issues that are real donate to her dating dilemmas.
One other statement that is troubling get from my Black girlfriends regarding dating White dudes is, “You’re the kind of Ebony woman White dudes like. White men aren’t interested in me personally. ” Chile, stop it. When there is a very important factor I’m sure about heterosexual males, it is the fact that irrespective of their real choices, at the conclusion of the day they simply like females. I’ve seen White dudes having a variety that is wide of females.
I will be a slim, Harlem-residing, Detroit-born, master’s degree-having 34-year-old divorced Ebony woman whose passport is on pimpin’. Whenever friends state I’m the “type” White guys like, these are typically mostly talking about my tiny framework, training and breadth of travel. But, I am perhaps not A white child whisperer. Nothing is about me personally that produces me a “safe” Black chick for White guys to holler at. The stark reality is that We have an extremely active social life in a diverse town, and we often find myself in rooms filled up with guys of numerous racial, cultural and nationality backgrounds. My roster that is dating reflects social encounters.
The majority of my girlfriends whom speak about being fed up with Black guys, aren’t being totally serious.
They aren’t planning to abandon men that are blackI haven’t, either). These are generally simply considering dipping their toes into something new. But extending into interracial relationship territory is certainly not one thing to accomplish as an “I hate you a great deal appropriate now” kind of performance art experiment toward Black guys. Additionally, inspite of the insane and incredibly chatter that is wrong just black colored men are drawn to Ebony ladies, attention from non-Black males just isn’t some type of extra validation of a Black woman’s beauty.
Black colored women can be stunning, period. You don’t have for outside validation. I’ve never experienced special because of the inescapable fact of experiencing White guys try to court me. Needless to say males like to date me personally. Have you thought to? Pfft!
Having said that, interracial relationships aren’t for all of us, and that’s fine. We date interracially, but I’m not distributing the gospel of United Colors of Benetton dating. Do this if you are suited by it. Don’t get it done if you’re not inclined to. Simple. There’s nothing wrong with Ebony females sticking with Ebony guys or the other way around. You should be clear with who you really are and exactly why you would like who you want.